𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗿: 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰me 𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘵 '𝘐𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘦 𝘖𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘵' 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧𝘧.

We have a local cafe and sandwich shop that was very successful, although owned by a woman who was so large she could barely walk and her husband, who wore one of those medical boots you see a lot these days. I wanted a poached egg sandwich, but every time I phoned the cafe both on a mobile and landline, it immediately cut off, so I walked down the road to the cafe, where I was presented with a guy who had one arm and a stressed-looking young girl. "𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳" I said. The guy told me they had purchased the cafe, but the original owners didn't know the passwords to the Google account, and BT are being arseholes about giving him the original number. So, no telephone orders, then?

While my poached egg was cooked, it was probably the worst, pointless sandwich I've ever had. The yoke was everywhere inside the kitchen foil. It was slightly upsetting to watch him chase the fast-moving egg around the plate with his drainer spoon in an attempt to scoop it up onto the toast.

I await the business to go up for sale or to go under. 🤷‍♂️